i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
