I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
