another moral hangover. fuck.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im holly from the hills drunk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
