Whod you bang
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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