I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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