I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize