She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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