just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We are two peas in an std pod
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
