im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
