I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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