How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he puts the penis in happiness.
Welp...herpes.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
