I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
