You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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