twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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