I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize