Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
