Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
