So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
