At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
