I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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