Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
