can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
