Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
