pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
