Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
