Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
