MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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