We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
