i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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