mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
