She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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