I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize