dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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