I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize