Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
