I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize