i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everclear isn't food dammit
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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