This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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