its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
