Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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