This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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