so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
