hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
COCAINE IS GR8
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
