She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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