I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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