Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
