it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
