STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
