At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
