I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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