next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
