i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
4 words: hood of his car
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
