Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize