Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
