I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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