I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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