i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
