I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
two words: eviction party
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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