Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize