so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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