Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
