So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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