We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize