How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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