dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
