I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
