I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
