i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we should paint friendship bongs
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