I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Congratulations! We have a period
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
