I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
