Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize