i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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