I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
