i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
