i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
