my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
