True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
