I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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