I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
