I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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