Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
