Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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