I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
