I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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