Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
