Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
