I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
