Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize