I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
