I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
