I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
