she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize