Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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