to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
