We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
