Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
